They could have called you Gaycheese
by Funeral.Bell
Summary: Ghetsis wanders the castle with his sagely duties needed to be done and posing as the authoritative -secret- head honcho for Team Plasma. So what in the world are all the grunts snickering about? —Crack.


**A/N**: This is not to be taken seriously. All characters are DEFINITELY not meant to be in character. If you haven't noticed, there is a large spread where people call N's father, Ghetsis, Dennis. I don't know why, but I couldn't resist.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: Crack. Mentioning of slash (and kinda applied?) Language. Nothing doesn't add up. Un-beta'ed means grammar errors. Ya'know~  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: Nintendo, Gamefreak, and Arceus. Forgive me for this total ransack of crack. (Don't own.)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Ghetsis wanders the castle with his sagely duties needed to be done and posing as the authoritative -secret- head honcho for Team Plasma. So what in the world are all the grunts snickering about?

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><p><em>It could be worse,<em>

**_They could have called you Gaycheese_**

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><p>The Plasma grunts were loitering the hallways, slightly bored being subjected to housing hundred or so feet underground of the League. It was stupid, so stupid. What? Ghetsis wanted them all to be happy roaming in an air bubble inside a castle until someone actually decided to bother looking for those magic sphere thingies that were suppose to summon the legendary pokémon from their containment as read as in his diary? Not that they were looking – oh screw it. When they see the most stick-up-the-ass posh speaking guy having a diary left wide open, like hell they'll take the opportunity. (Read: it was on the corner of his table with all his fountain pens the grunts stuffed in their pockets – the pens write nice, surely Ghetsis wouldn't notice with his absurd and his dreary discussions. He uses his mouth rather than writing anything on paper anyway. The opportunity wasn't that eventful, it was filled with boring entries.)<p>

The grunts being so depressingly bored were having a water fight with squirt guns they stole from the surface months ago, but then a grunt felt a chill run down his spine as his eyes connected with N's room.

Not-important nameless grunt #1 said to another, "Ever went inside?"

Not-important nameless grunt #2 scratched the back of her neck, "No, why?"

Grunt #1 shuddered all over, he displayed a sickening expression, and after a brief moment he shook his head to let the chill pass. "It's…it's so creepy. I swear to Arceus, the choo-choo play set keeps going back and forth…N never bothered to construct the whole bridge. So all you hear is like…like dying sound effects. Every time I get clean-up duties, I feel like something inside that room is watching me. Or some creepy horror-movie-murderous-kid kinda theme music should be playing."

The rest of the grunts steered away from N's room, as much respect as they had, they also heard rumors. No one dared to step inside, and if they did, they would experience a few days worth of the most bizarre nightmares, diarrhea, and extreme case of paranoia.

Having nothing better to do, they remained in their spots and proceeded to have a staring contest with any grunt across from them.

Grunt #3 was flailing one arm, gesturing everyone to gather. Having nothing better to do, they all crowded around each other.

"A grunt got captured by the police a few months ago, remember that? Since he didn't rat out the location or the real plans, just about the stuff of liberating pokémon, people suddenly got interested enough they're going to make a game out of us coming soon! I think they made our hair a bit too orange, c'mon, it ain't that bright…BUT! Look at this…"

Everyone burst into a gale of rich laughter.

AND THUS IT BEGAN SPREADING AROUND THE CASTLE. THE SMALL FOLKS.

And the region.

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><p>Ghetsis was being his usual self, poker-face on with his work folder tucked under his arm that needed to be sorted out. He noticed an odd disturbance occurring in the castle, and yet he couldn't detect the appropriate reason why everyone was being so…smiley lately. It was creeping him out to no end.<p>

When he went to his room—has his pen supply suddenly plummet?—he scribbled away through the stack of papers, all while seated on his favorite revolving chair. He'll never admit to anyone he always took a breather in the middle of his work, hands firmly gripping his seat cushion so he can spin around seven times in place. He could only describe his expression with the meme faces that has surfaced the global web.

'ME GUSTA.'

Yup, that meme face exactly.

Three hours of extensive writing about nonsense to occupy himself in the guise of "work," a loud grumble sounded from his empty stomach. He decided to cut down on the fiber.

Heading downstairs to the kitchen in the basement—how morbid, he finally realized, it was to eat so far below the castle and further down the surface—and spotted N sorting through boxes, eyes thoroughly focused on the nutrition labels.

Ghetsis dreaded the very moment he stepped inside, Arceus knows his son would go all math-nerd on him how much of each food item should be calculated for the nutritional daily needs, calories and all. _If this has this much sodium, then you would need to subtract it from your dinner's worth, and considering how much the portion is in grams, the sodium content will almost certainly be-_

and that load of rubbish. Ghetsis was expecting this moment, so he waited.

And waited.

Damn, twenty seconds never felt so long.

N was so pale it freaked Ghetsis out, not that he'll say anything.

N's soulless-like eyes were fixated on Ghetsis after noticing his father's presence in the kitchen.

AND THEN THE UNEXPECTED HAPPEN.

N cupped his mouth with his creepy ghost-white hands, holding in his laughter as he ran up the flight of stairs. It was rare, it was spine-chilling being so uncommon, but he could hear the one and only N Harmonia boisterous laugh…a laugh that left Ghetsis thoroughly disturbed.

"-nis." Ghetsis could hear N say from up above.

Nis?

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><p>It didn't stop there. The sages were beginning to laugh when he had his back turned. Why would <em>they <em>laugh? Arceus knows the sages are crustier than he is. At least he still has beautiful flowing light-green hair, curse his child born with greener hair, while they all remained haggard with their white hair and visible bald spots. Not Ghetsis, oh definitely not, the light wrinkles were less noticeable because of the anti-wrinkle cream he stored away in his medicine cabinet. If it were any of the other sages, they would only look _a year_ younger.

No, Ghetsis always appeared_ seven_ years younger.

Beat that.

Except today. He heard it.

He learned he was the butt of all the jokes in the castle.

It happened shortly like this:

Ghetsis fetched several grunts to assist the unveiling of his speech he would speak to the public of Accumula Town for the liberation of pokémon—he needed his plan rolling now, remaining inconspicuous under the surface is getting dull—but before exiting the room completely, he spun his heel and witnessed the grunts laughing at a piece of paper.

Ordering them to move, there was a poorly drawn representation of himself with the name Dennis.

They explained.

They showed him the websites.

_Dennis._

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?" He crowed.

His grunts were left petrified, almost shrinking in spot by Denn—Ghetsis' reaction.

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><p>The speech went smoothly until the crowd dispersed.<br>A young youth, a trainer, pointed a finger at him.

"OH MY ARCEUS, IT'S DENNIS."

Plasma had never scurried too quickly like today. It was record time. Ghetsis, as the grunts observed, was majorly pissed at the outburst from that trainer. They'll be damned if they ever see him again, because Ghetsis was absolutely frightening when his old-man panties were tied in a knot.

Two grunts returned.

They noticed N talking to the trainer.

The grunts didn't do anything and left.

It's better if Denn—Ghetsis didn't know.

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><p>The grunts were forced into combat and finally released to the surface far more often than before. The Dennis jokes continued on to the point where Ghetsis almost wrote Dennis on the name section of his own papers.<p>

And after several months when he knew it was finally time to put his plan into action and eliminate all those morons that were aware of the Dennis jokes. Soon it commenced the epic battle between N and the teenager that called him Dennis in Accumula Town, Black.

N lost. Denn—_Ghetsis_ was infuriated, heavily disappointed that he decided to bitch.

"-After all of that, do you think you're worthy of sharing the name Harmonia with me? You good-for-nothing boy! And Black, you are nothing more than a defe- "

Black was too busy mashing the buttons on his portable game system. "Dennis, stop being an asshole. Your hydreigon totally cheated! What did'ja use?"

N trekked to Black's side, observing the pokémon sprite moving and spurning attacks through left and right position movement. "Action replay," N said plainly.

Black nodded, "Has to be. I got myself the same dragon pokémon too! Pfft, and it doesn't evolve until level _sixty-four_. This game so cheats! Oh, yeah, N, you are so gay for me in this game. I mean, if I played as the girl, it would be hetero. But this is wicked! Bianca chattered on and on about the ferris wheel."

N hitched a brow, "Oh?"

"Yeah! Check it," and magically different saved files appeared on the screen, to which Black pointed out by tweaking his system. "Look how you follow me around or you find me no matter what. I totally think this is legit fan-raving material."

Ghetsis had his pokemon ready to battle Black, but not through a game system. That must have been the game the grunts told him about, but it's scary how they almost got everything right. Freaky. Feeling incomplete, he ranted on, "And N! He's nothing more than a freak with a human heart. "

Black lifted his focus away from the screen, eyebrows knitting together. "Shut up, Dennis. Can't you see I'm trying to hint something to N here? Sheesh, no respect."

N blinked and needed to comment, "My hair looks more voluminous in the game. I'm jealous."

Looker came rushing out of the blue. "Where's-"

Black cut the investigator short, "Sweet Arceus, can you guys stop for ten minutes? I'm trying to get with greenie here, so hop off. Dennis is over there, now get moving."

Ghetsis was not amused.

Looker struck a melodramatic pose, "You can't escape, Dennis!" he stated equally melodramatically.

Ghetsis approached with an ominous frown, to which Looker visibly flinched, but he held both his arms out without a trace of resistance. "Just cuff me and let me rot in a prison cell as _Dennis _Harmonia. I hate my life."

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><p>In the next few months, Ghetsis has settled rather comfortably in his lowly prison cell with a square-three portion meals and regulated time to watch his newly addiction daytime television, as well as a sudden interest to watch teenager-centered soap operas to pass the time.<p>

One day, Ghetsis received a letter.

It was a letter from Black.

It mentioned the name Dennis over and over again, but mostly detailed his relationship with N. In _vivid_ detail.

Ghetsis threw the letter without hesitation, stomping on it for countermeasures in the small trash bin, a wad of spit thrown in the waste basket for extra dose of the pent-up bitter resentment. _No_, his life would not be ruined in the pokey as well.

"You got a call…_Dennis_." Said the police officer. Cue the big, cocky smirk on the officer's lips.

Ghetsis wondered if he could contact the trainer that lingered on the top of Mt. Silver for no apparent reason and probably also look epic for once in his life standing there too. Or at least until he died of hypothermia.

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><p><strong>AN**: Gotta love how Looker cares AFTER you solve out most of Plasma's plans. Crack makes no sense, as you all so should know. This doesn't either. 8) Ghetsis' quotes will be used again (the serious ones) for my actual fanfic. It's directly from the game, which I do not own. :)


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